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Heart is Sad.

My Heart Cries Out to You

 

My heart cries to you

My heart cries to fulfill your wishes

My heart cries to know truth

My heart cries to know love again

My heart wants to feel your love again

I am overcome with a sweet sadness

That permeates my every vein

That makes me think

I must make this sacrifice

I must take up my cross

Lord, the road is rough

Help me to get up each day

To find you in every face I see

To look for you in the sights and sounds of nature

To remember I am loved by you

Eternally and perfectly

You will love me like no other ever has or will

And I will love you until the end of time

As you said to me

I am with you even until the end of time.

just another night of these thoughts...

I really would like to have some real peace of mind and be able to sleep well again. It stinks that when I'm home it's always so hard for me to go to bed. I guess I'm used to talking on the phone til I go to bed. I don't want to be used to that anymore- I just want to be genuinely happy and...ugh I don't know what I'm saying again! On another note, I had a quite beautiful day exploring my new school. I also have a small space in my heart for New York City that is growing. I just can't believe there is a place on earth so full of culture and diversity. It is amazing to see so many people from all walks of life everywhere. It is never boring. People are doing whatever it takes to make ends meat- they sing at the top of their lungs...they bust out instruments- they do magic tricks and break dance. It is like nothing I've ever known before- it is so eye opening and exciting. I just want August to hurry up and get here. I know that I need to be more patient; wow I am so terrible at being patient. I pray that I will be able to work on this. I pray still that everything is going the way it is for the greater glory of God- for His will and not mine. God has done so much in my life lately...he's turned my world a bit upside down, but I still love Him and I thank Him although I do suffer a bit inside, I trust.

Sitting, Watching, Waiting...

What am I supposed to do?

Sit here and wait for you?

I just found that sentimental gift I wanted to send you

Now it may just have to be for someone else

Or maybe no one else will ever take your place

Probably no one will

But honestly

Are you not going to give up without a fight?

Are you a real man?

What is stopping you from

Being with “the girl of your dreams”

Are you just now realizing…

She was right

She is right

We are not compatible?

Ah, it’s all so bittersweet yet fulfilling

To know that we both know

We want what is best for each other

I hope the healing comes quickly

Because we are mature enough to realize

There are other people for us both

Daydreaming again...

This is dedicated to a friend of a friend of a friend of another friend that will probably never get to read this, but it’s out there- yeah somehow it’s a small world after all : )

Always and forever

You changed my life

Always and forever

Years will go by

Always and forever

I still won’t forget

Always and forever

You’ll do something grand

Always and forever

I’ll do the same

Always and forever

Hopefully we will find true happiness

Always and forever

We’ll change the world

Always and forever

We’ll never meet again

Always and forever

But our story will live

Always and forever

And when it dies by mouth

Always and forever

It will continue in our hearts

Always and forever

You’ll always be a little piece of my history

Always and forever

You’ll never know

Always and forever

Maybe you don’t care so much

Always and forever

Maybe you don’t have to

Always and forever

But I’ll never forget

Always and forever

You’re in my heart

Always and forever

Because you’re the only one who would know

Always and forever

What real peace feels like

Always and forever

Always and forever my friend.

Always…

Forever…

Thank You…

Faith.

Hope.

Love.


Jun. 28th, 2011

So...just thought I'd post this poem that I found from September 2009- perhaps these issues have been on my mind after all, but I chose to ignore them?

Realizing My Desires

 

I have began to realize

that I am far from where I used to be

I miss so much from what seems like

Years ago

I want to give myself another chance

At one of the happiest times in my life

I want to escape that fear of

Being alone

Feeling guilty

Lacking

And Regret

I fear the loss of myself

Of the person I was proud to be

Now just another girl

A taken girl that must be left alone

I’m tired of it

I’m tired of my feelings being toyed with

I’m tired of my mind searching for

Peace

Peace of mind and innocence

I fear I’ll never have them again

Until I separate myself and realize

This is my new chance

It’s unfortunate that nothing seems to be going my way

And for everyone else

Their happy little life stories carry on

No one seems to notice the struggle inside

How nothing seems to work

How everything I envision is shattered

And the constant reminder keeps running in my head

It can only get better

It could be better

It could be something new and wonderful

I could turn my life upside down

And finally realize what true happiness is

But it is a fear I have

Of losing everything I now have

But no matter what

My mind keeps telling me

This is only the beginning

Once I find myself

I will attain my desires


On another note, today was quite terrible physically and emotionally (esp at work), but spiritually it was alright, so at least that's a plus.

Patience, patience, patience! Why is it such a struggle for me?


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